"No More Masks" pt 7 - October 24, 2010

“NO MORE MASKS #7

(Dealing with disappointments and unmet expectations)

- TEXT: Luke 15:11-32 (Focus: 25-32) NIV

11 Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.

13 "Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17 "When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' 20 So he got up and went to his father.

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21 "The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'

22 "But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

25 "Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'

28 "The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'

31 "'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'"

NIV

-This is a Very familiar portion of scripture that often deals with the dilemma of the “prodigal son”… & typically neglects the deeper, more complex issues of the “elder brother”…

-Perhaps we don’t talk much about him because it “hits” too close to home…

-The traditional story of the prodigal son is so powerful within itself….

-It has ramifications of touching people right where they are.

- We like the story of the “prodigal son.

- It’s a story with a happy ending.

- He had it è lost it è got it back again.

-BUT if you look deeper and closer è you see beyond the prodigal son è to the elder brother … Who is living with CONTRADICTIONS & CONFUSION…

-It’s a form of “HYPOCRISY”

-Remember a “HYPOCRITE” is =

…“A person who puts on a false appearance”…  A stage player, an actor under an assumed character..  TO PRETEND.

-Who can honestly say they have not Had OR Have NO HYPOCRISY at all??

-Somewhere in your life you have contradictions…

-[Let me talk to your children…]

-The reason it is not so easily identifiable as with the “prodigal son” is because his behavior, outlook and attitude is “PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE”…

-It is “COVERT”… meaning it is not openly shown or engaged in….

- IT IS VEILED because YOU (I mean HE)… doesn’t know how to properly manifest your emotions that have been repressed based on a SELF – IMPOSED NEED for ACCEPTANCE…

-

-It usually stems from an environment where it was NOT SAFE to express Frustration or Anger…

[And you know that’s how it has largely been in the Church…]

-You are NOT Supposed to get MAD or ANGRY or UPSET or FRUSTRATED…

-After all …  “YOU HAVE FAITH”

-[Well…  What the “HEECCCKKK” am I supposed to do WHEN.. (Examples):

-My daughter dies

-My marriage falls apart

-My child was molested

-My company collapses

-My body is full of cancer..

-…And on top of that, I am NOW JUDGED…

-Which in turn, trains and teaches me to NOT have an HONEST EXPRESSION of feelings but to REPRESS & DENY my feelings & then to use other channels to express my frustration…

-People who “SUGARCOAT” their hostility DO NOT grow beyond it..

-THEY live a life of “FALSE PRETENSE”… [I.E] = WEARING A MASK

-The Damage in this “Masked Life” is that I become shut off from the awareness of my problems & God’s ability, desire & resources to transform them..

-When someone wears a MASK, they are on a mission to prove they are “perfect”

-They will use their family, work, abilities, or religion to PROJECT an IMAGE of PERFECTION

-PERFECTIONISM is where you expect to have NO FAULTS…

-The Perfectionist expects their path toward any goal – and their entire journey through life – to be direct, smooth, & free of obstacles.

-This is not REALITY… It’s fantasy!

-One of the most basic core needs in every individual is the feeling of significance… [i.e = worth, meaning]

-One of the things I have noticed in years as a Pastor is that:  …

-Too often the Church seems to be “pre-occupied” with the dysfunctional … It’s the “bad boys” that get the attention…

-Often we focus our efforts on the “type and shadow” of the “prodigal son” – in order To correct and bring back people who have gone astray. …

-…Instead of complimenting those who have stayed – those who are faithful (the elder brother)

- And, if you’ve been faithful, this can cause confusion.

- You can feel “overlooked / undervalued – not important.

- You begin to ask:  DO I MATTER?

-People tend to overlook your faithfulness & loyalty and yet God declares:

- [1 Corinthians 4:2] , “Moreover, it is required in stewards that a man be found faithful.”

-God gives favor to people he can trust, people who are faithful and obedient…

- While God requires faithfulness, it is often the person who hangs in there that is overlooked.

- People will take you for granted.

-In other words, “You’re not the CRISIS.”

- BUT, just because I’m not the “crisis” doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be cared for.

-I wonder if that is why so many “SELF SABOTAGE”.. They create a “crisis” subconsciously…

-IS IT…:

n A need for attention?

n A need for care?

n A need for nurturing?

..that is Crying out in form of crisis: “ PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!”

-“I am IMPORTANT TOO”…

-So here is the danger:  To the faithful (which requires a certain amount of maturity / stability) –There also comes a certain amount of “neglect”.

- Everyone presumes you are STRONG ENOUGH.

- “You can make it through things.”

- You are “TIGHT” with God…

- Often people don’t even see the STORM in your life, because there is enough outward “stability” to mask the “inward turbulence”.

-But Just because you can “police” the visible sins externally DOES NOT mean you don’t have INVISIBLE SINS of the HEART…

-Envy…  Jealousy…  Bitterness…  Unforgiveness..  Pride

-So, there becomes a seed of “SILENT FRUSTRATIONS” where you are:

n secretly miserable;

n processing in silence;

n struggling with trust, bitterness:

n free on the outside / in solitary confinement inwardly.

-You are Dying in “silent frustrations” -- with unmet expectations and disappointments of life.

-The Elder Brother:  (like many of us):

n Is too quiet;

n He doesn’t speak up for himself;

n HE walks through life silently;

n HE is going through the motions.

- He’s numb!!  And when you are NUMB..  You stay STUCK…  You never learn how to “locate your feelings” and Move through them…

-He Doesn’t say anything until his brother gets blessed again….  It is the “TRIGGER” point

-Everyone has a “TRIGGER POINT”…

-When suppressed feelings that go unexpressed get triggered…

-We will usually become self-critical, depressed, or lash out on the one’s closest to us..

- WHEN in actuality our REAL target is someone from the PAST that we were likely too afraid to express our emotions to…

- He is Struggling with a jealous attitude.

- It’s not so much I’m mad at God being merciful to you –  or that you got Blessed.

-I just don’t know why it hasn’t happened for me – AFTER ALL these years of faithfully serving the Father.

-What I want to focus on is:

-The discontentment that exists in the heart of elder son,…. as he finds himself in situation where the young (wilder brother) has gone out “whoring” and spent all father’s money…

-AND YET…

-When he finally decides to come back home –HE RECEIVES ALL THIS CELEBRATION!!

-When elder brother comes out of field he’s been working & keeping faithfully

- …He hears this sound –&  asks the question, “What meaneth this sound?”

-He Probably thought:  “Finally, I am going to get the appreciation I deserve”…

n they are celebrating my faithful contribution;

n acknowledging my commitment.

- After all, I was there when other left – did two times as much.

-He Asks the servant, “What meaneth this?”

-& the Servant responds, “This is not about you, but about your younger brother.”

- You mean, the one who took all father’s stuff, disgraces this family?

- “You mean they’re throwing a party for him?”

-He was ANGRY!!

- Silent  Frustrations from years of feeling unappreciated, undervalued, not recognized or rewarded…

- He has Resentments..  That EXPLODE INTO ANGER!

*You must deal with the disappointments in your life.

- Elder brother has an issue è just as much as younger brother – maybe even deeper.

- He is Frustrated by fact, he has given so much and things have not turned out like he thought.

-Have you ever felt like that?

n I Gave my best years to that marriage – he leaves for someone half your age.

n You Sacrificed for your kids – now they won’t talk to you.

n You Worked so hard à too hard, physically debilitated.

- Disappointments:

-One of the GREAT challenges is when MY EXPECTATIONS are not my EXPERIENCE

n Abraham à Lot, strife; turns on you and gets the best.  Joker wouldn’t have anything if it wasn’t for me.

n Joseph = brothers betray

n Judas = kisses Jesus.

n David = Ahithophel /Absalom

- Disappointment = to fail to satisfy the hope, desire, or expectation of.

- It leads to discouragement = to decrease courage; to be faint-hearted; to lose hope; to be dismayed.

-The Result:  Fiery darts of fear, unbelief, bitterness, self-pity overwhelm us.

- At the base of discouragement is a lie from Satan.

-The Big question mark over people’s head – “WHAT WENT WRONG.”

- How and Why did this happen to me?  To my family?

-Here he is in a dilemma in his life:  .. He thinks he should be celebrated and he is not.

- This can create a root of bitterness.

- You must be aware enemy wants to pollute you – contaminate your soul.

- He will plant a seed of rejection to reap a root of bitterness.

- Psalm 24:3-5,

3 “Who shall ascend into the hill of the Lord?  Or who shall stand in his

Holy Place?

4 He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart, who hath not lifted up his soul to vanity, nor sworn deceitfully.

5 He shall receive the blessing from the Lord.”

- We’d be shocked if we could unmask people in this room who are secretly dealing with a root of bitterness.

- Because they have given much and gotten little;

- They have Sacrificed and not seen a real celebration of their value in life – they are bitter from rejection.

- Rejection = lack of acceptance, being cast aside, overlooked, forsaken, failure to meet standards expected.

-Have you ever been disappointed?

-You MUST know that God doesn’t come to “rub things in”, BUT to “rub things out”..

-The Problem with the elder brother:

n He’s a righteous man / good man and he’s frustrated.

n How can I be a good man and bad things happen?”

- We buy into a fallacy that if you “do right things, you get right results.”

- Difficult, (especially for analytical people who like, 2+2=4) to walk through something that doesn’t make sense.

- Why did she die?  Why did he divorce me?  Why did I lose my job?

- We have been taught “life makes sense.”

- NOT SO!!  Some things don’t compute.

- Deuteronomy 29:29, “The secret things belong unto the Lord, our God; but those things which are revealed, belong unto us and to our children forever.”

- Isaiah 55:9, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts…”

- Some things you will never understand.

- That’s why you need faith.

-The enemy will unleash his power against you as a child of God..

-Sensual perception connects me to my world…  NOT to God..  Faith connects me to God…

-So Satan destabilizes my situation to disconnect me from God…

-The only way to break the power of the world around you is by another power…

-You must develop a lifestyle of trust and reliance on God.

-Knowledge says:  “He’s Able”

-Faith says:  “He Will”

-Commitment says:  “If He never does, I still already won”

-The Eldest brother is upset, because he thought:

- “This doesn’t make sense. I was here when he was acting like a fool.”

HERE is the KEY:  The Elder Brother said, “I’m not going in.”

- & the Bible says, “When father heard the elder brother was outside … the father came to where he was…”

-When I’m locked outside my blessing and have an attitude….

- God has such great love and mercy for me.

-He’s coming to get me….

-Nothing you ever do will alienate you from the forgiveness of God

- When I’m drowning in despair – Father is coming to get me.

- When I’m too bitter / depressed / ugly in my spirit, and can’t get to God… God comes to me!!

- When I am Wild and crazy – He’s coming for you.

-You need to praise God.  He didn’t leave you outside, but He came for you.

- He’s coming to heal every where you hurt.

- I’ve been wondering “if I’m significant.”

- I must be… because God didn’t leave me in my mess.  But he came and got me!

- God will come get you from the:

n “secret issues;” &

n silent frustrations.

n Fear of intimacy & dependency

n Chaos & confusion

n Insecurity and brokenness

n Victimization

-You are going to Run into a God that LOVES you so much that you will never get over it…

-When God “agapes me” it means He knows I still have potential to make something great in my life…

-… With all my failures, hurts, & disappointments..

“[2Cor 4:2] “  We refuse to wear masks and play games”

-God..  I hurt, I am angry.. disappointed… BUT HERE I AM…

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